Saying “calm down” during an argument frequently has the opposite effect, upsetting the other person even more.
Gonjamedia has compiled 5 phrases you should avoid saying during an argument.
1. “You never” or “you always:
Saying “always” or “never” is a common exaggeration that can be misleading and cause someone to become defensive in a conflict.
Rather than stating, “You never listen to me!” you could say, “I feel like I wasn’t heard when I was talking about [topic].” or “It bothers me when you interrupt me before I’m finished speaking.” This approach breaks the cycle of blame and defensiveness and enables a more fruitful dialogue where you can express your needs and work toward a solution.
2. “Why are you making such a big deal over nothing:
Saying, “You are making a big deal over nothing,” is disrespectful and minimizes the emotions of the other person. Rather, express comprehension and request further information. It shows that you are interested in hearing their viewpoint and that you care about them.
3. My ex, mother, or sister don’t behave like that:
Never, whether for platonic or romantic reasons, compare your partner to someone else. She interprets your insensitive remarks as an indication that you dislike her and that you would rather hang out with the individuals you choose. Stated differently, avoid making comparisons with other people since it bothers them.
4. “It is over!:
Instead of saying, “It is over!”, try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we take a break and come back to this later, when we’ve both calmed down?“. Saying, “We’re done!”
is offensive and menacing, particularly when it comes from the heart. Take a brief break instead; it will help you de-stress and approach the talk with greater clarity. Provide a timeframe for reexamining the matter as well. This shows maturity and consideration for the emotions of others.
5. “You’re such a @#$%&!
Stay clear of insults, slurs, and disparaging remarks. They never solve anything; all they do is make things worse. Say something like, “That behavior is hurtful and disrespectful.” I want you to “address the specific behavior that is upsetting you; concentrate on the behavior rather than criticizing the person.” Next, in order to proceed in a courteous and productive way, express your demands and make it clear what you require and expect from the other person.
Although arguments are unpleasant, they might occasionally serve to deepen your understanding of your spouse. Avoiding conflict, ending disagreements abruptly, and using harsh language can all worsen the problem.
